Edie's Blogs

What makes a relationship last?

'What makes a relationship last?' In most cases, the answer to this complex question can be summed up within one simple word 'TRUST.' There are other words that come close to describing the factors involved in obtaining good rapport and an enduring relationship with another human being, but upon closer examination they prove to be only the building blocks that when cemented together, create the broader foundation of 'TRUST.'

Honesty is one of these bricks that help cement a relationship - remembering the value of your word in big things and little things is all about honesty. The real measure and honor of a man or woman is they keep and value their word in all things.

Commitment, the pledge and promise to be there when you are needed, delivering on your promise consistently.

Respect, for your self first, allows you to honor the differences in others and act with personal integrity.

Communication, the wholehearted listening to another human being to understand, the wholehearted speaking that is open, simple, clear in tone, content and style, creates value-outcomes that are meaningful.

Credibility, you believe in something, so you don't fall for just anything.

Initiative, taking action on your behalf and others, all contribute to a solid basis of qualities that enhance relationships when challenges occur and fear abounds. Whether your team members are new or veteran, earning their 'TRUST' lies at the heart of any effort to obtain their commitment and keep it.

Building 'TRUST' can be accelerated when you meet a teammate's crisis head-on as if it were your own. Helping them resolve their problem by going that unexpected extra mile, even at your own inconvenience, is an opportunity to go beyond rhetoric and leave a lasting impression.

People have long memories; free coffee, donuts and big promises may win them over for a day, but if you want a relationship to last and long term success in life, 'TRUST' is the cornerstone.


The Root of All Conflict is Unmet Expectations

Here are some ideas for promoting trust and respect in any type of community. Practicing these concepts can help overcome conflict and can restore relationships among working members.

  • Practice honesty (this takes courage)
  • Practice fidelity (this takes humility)
  • Practice respect (this takes courtesy)
  • Practice confidentiality (this eliminates gossip)
  • Practice communicating frequently (this takes being other focused)
  • Practice the hard work of peacemaking (this takes spiritual maturity)

Remember ...

  1. First vent vertical and ask for guidance
  2. Second ask should I avoid the conflict, create it or resolve it
  3. Third take the initiative/ plan a face to face/delay deepens resentment
  4. Other things to consider ...

    • Choose right time/place for both (not tired rushed or interrupted)
    • Focus on their feelings not the facts/use empathy not excuses
    • Listen to them unload emotionally without being defensive
    • Listen with patience and a real desire to see their perspective
    • Ask yourself am I being unrealistic, insensitive, or too sensitive?
    • Evaluate your actions, humbly admit your mistake, ask forgiveness
    • Attack the problem rather than fixing the blame to a person
    • How you say it counts/don't insult, condescend, be sarcastic
    • Do not condemn, belittle, undermine, compare, label
    • Reconcile the relationship/ work on the problem together
    • Walk arm in arm for peace/unity, harmony in community

    Lastly:

    • Keep and value your word (it builds trust)
    • Become a wholehearted listener (it instills trust)
    • Smile often (its an invitation to trust)
    • Commit to protecting the unity of your community (it inspires trust)